The weather is howling outside, desperate to unleash its sorrow. Just like the weather, I want to cry out and unleash all my pain and sorrow. However, I don’t think it’s the weather that is properly affecting me today. The old and familiar sense of hopelessness and helplessness is starting to creep back again.
I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way. Or maybe I am so used to being this way that I actually don’t realise that I have always been feeling like this. Reading about how others motivate themselves, achieving success in their careers and also personal life has not elevated my self esteem in any way. I am glad and happy for those who found their goal in life, but yet I am also envious of them. Seeing how others are able to savour the taste of being purpose driven has made me feel worthless and incapable of actually achieving anything. I know I am more than that, but yet I am failing to think otherwise.
I have to force myself to think positively and keep on motivating myself based on blind faith!
And I am not only referring to careers. I am in the midst of people who have found someone they could love and being loved in return; I am so happy for them, but I also feel so, so alone. I know there’s nothing I could do to be someone special in her eyes, as I have nothing to prove myself and also nothing offer her. She deserves someone better than the likes of me.
It’s the hardest thing I ever had to do; to turn around and walk away pretending I don’t love you.
I supposed it’s the best for her, though it doesn’t stop me from thinking about her all the time. And she can’t know about it as I am afraid I might even lose a friend. It is painful going against your heart; I am trying my best to keep a distance even though deep down, I want to be close to her. The best thing I could do is be close enough so I could always be there for her, but not that close; wish her well and hope she could sort out her own feelings for the guy whom she truly cherish; and let her be free to search and find her true happiness
For now, I’ll just be the invisible man to her.
I miss her so much.
Monday, 12 September 2011
I Wish
I saw you pass me by just yesterday
I followed every single move you made
And I wonder if you see me stare
I feel so close to you every time you're there
I wish you were mine
Every time I see you walk by
I wish there was time
But the moment never seems to be right
I wish that I could find the strength
Then I wouldn't feel like this
To have you here right next to me, I wish
To have you here right next to me, I wish
It's getting hard for me to sleep at night
'Cause all I keep thinking about is the look in your eyes
And am I crazy, 'cause we never met before
But it feels like we have
I wish you were mine
Every time I see you walk by
I wish there was time
But the moment never seems to be right
I wish that I could find the strength
Then I wouldn't feel like this
To have you here right next to me, I wish
To have you here right next to me
Oh yeah
Girl, I wish I had you
So many times I thought about approaching you
But I freeze up every time
I wish you were mine
Every time I see you walk by
I wish there was time
But the moment never seems to be right
I wish that I could find the strength
Then I wouldn't feel like this
To have you here right next to me, I wish
To have you here right next to me, I wish
I followed every single move you made
And I wonder if you see me stare
I feel so close to you every time you're there
I wish you were mine
Every time I see you walk by
I wish there was time
But the moment never seems to be right
I wish that I could find the strength
Then I wouldn't feel like this
To have you here right next to me, I wish
To have you here right next to me, I wish
It's getting hard for me to sleep at night
'Cause all I keep thinking about is the look in your eyes
And am I crazy, 'cause we never met before
But it feels like we have
I wish you were mine
Every time I see you walk by
I wish there was time
But the moment never seems to be right
I wish that I could find the strength
Then I wouldn't feel like this
To have you here right next to me, I wish
To have you here right next to me
Oh yeah
Girl, I wish I had you
So many times I thought about approaching you
But I freeze up every time
I wish you were mine
Every time I see you walk by
I wish there was time
But the moment never seems to be right
I wish that I could find the strength
Then I wouldn't feel like this
To have you here right next to me, I wish
To have you here right next to me, I wish
Thursday, 4 August 2011
Just Like That
Extremely sad today. I am just being contradicting to my own feelings. That's why I keep failing to stay away from her.
And it hurts all the more when I ended up looking bad in her eyes. I guess I really must put my heart into it if I really want to get over her, for my own good and also, for her own good.
And it hurts all the more when I ended up looking bad in her eyes. I guess I really must put my heart into it if I really want to get over her, for my own good and also, for her own good.
Tuesday, 2 August 2011
Arrogance
Sometimes I am just arrogant in my thoughts, words and actions. I know it is not justifiable in any way, but why am I being like this? Sometimes I just can’t help but feel that I am and must be better than the rest, even though I know it is not right to do so. But the truth is, I don’t even have any achievements to be proud of, as even I am now struggling with my career path and having contradicting feelings for a girl whom I know is not quite possible to be with.
Perhaps, the reason for my outer arrogance is that, I am actually feeling inferior to everyone else, deep down inside.
Perhaps, the reason for my outer arrogance is that, I am actually feeling inferior to everyone else, deep down inside.
Tuesday, 19 July 2011
Solitary Cross
"All sound ceases. When the ice-cold night-air fills the room, I lie
awake, holding my blanket. And that's when it happens - I feel like
crying - like my heart is slowly breaking. A sorrowful - an unshakeable
loneliness. That sense of loneliness rises from the shadows in my
heart."
The feeling of loneliness. Every now and then, you would experience
waking up in the middle of the night with the strong urge just to be
with someone close, to hold someone close throughout the night. It is
not a feeling of desperation or jealousy. It is just a feeling one goes
through the stages of life when you are thinking of someone. And it
actually hurts when there is someone that you would want to be with
right now and yet you know that it is just not possible at this very
moment.
I guess its time to face the truth. I will never be with her but....
I guess I just miss her more than I thought I would.
awake, holding my blanket. And that's when it happens - I feel like
crying - like my heart is slowly breaking. A sorrowful - an unshakeable
loneliness. That sense of loneliness rises from the shadows in my
heart."
The feeling of loneliness. Every now and then, you would experience
waking up in the middle of the night with the strong urge just to be
with someone close, to hold someone close throughout the night. It is
not a feeling of desperation or jealousy. It is just a feeling one goes
through the stages of life when you are thinking of someone. And it
actually hurts when there is someone that you would want to be with
right now and yet you know that it is just not possible at this very
moment.
I guess its time to face the truth. I will never be with her but....
I guess I just miss her more than I thought I would.
Monday, 11 July 2011
Summer
Early Summer Chapter 1: Bittersweet Rain
"None in this world can stop the flow of time. However, a single moment captured in a photograph will never disappear. It will always decorate your heart and will always stir your soul - sweetly..and warmly."
Summer Chapter 1: Feeling Blue
"The color blue has the power to sooth the soul. It washes away all our worries and stress. Blue awakens the honest and innocent hearts."
Summer Chapter 2
"Very few can identify the beginning of love. When people become more than friends but less than lovers - such an indefinable relationship changes slowly over time - like the changing of the seasons."
Summer Chapter 3: Wind-Bell
"A summerday goes by like a strong gust of wind, leaving you with a feeling that something is going to happen. As the summerstorms come to an end, gradually, the season change."
Summer, the best season of the year. Summer, the height of all good and bad things that is happening around me. No matter how dire the situation beckons, all the smiles and laughter that I will go through would definitely wash away all my sorrows, giving me hope as the beginning of another season starts. Falling in love amidst everything is never easy, but this is where summer truly shines; it encourages love even in situations like this.
"None in this world can stop the flow of time. However, a single moment captured in a photograph will never disappear. It will always decorate your heart and will always stir your soul - sweetly..and warmly."
Summer Chapter 1: Feeling Blue
"The color blue has the power to sooth the soul. It washes away all our worries and stress. Blue awakens the honest and innocent hearts."
Summer Chapter 2
"Very few can identify the beginning of love. When people become more than friends but less than lovers - such an indefinable relationship changes slowly over time - like the changing of the seasons."
Summer Chapter 3: Wind-Bell
"A summerday goes by like a strong gust of wind, leaving you with a feeling that something is going to happen. As the summerstorms come to an end, gradually, the season change."
Summer, the best season of the year. Summer, the height of all good and bad things that is happening around me. No matter how dire the situation beckons, all the smiles and laughter that I will go through would definitely wash away all my sorrows, giving me hope as the beginning of another season starts. Falling in love amidst everything is never easy, but this is where summer truly shines; it encourages love even in situations like this.
What is Love?
How do we define love? The question is mute and the answer is bleak. It’s a thin line drawing the boundary between love and infatuation. However, both must coexist in harmony in order to ensure that you love and yet want someone in the same time. This begs the question; how would you know you are in love with someone?
Everything starts off with infatuation. When you are physically attracted to someone, you naturally pay more attention to her, want to hear from her everyday, getting excited when you see her and any physical contact would be a dream come true. You know that one day when you don’t hear from her would seem forever, and you would miss her greatly if that happens. Her very presence is your source of motivation.
Love, on the other hand, knows no boundaries. You don’t need to want her in order to love her. There’s a saying that if you love somebody, you should set her free. And if she is truly yours, she would come back to you. All you ever wanted is for her to be happy, to be herself, not to control her and hold her back from her dreams even at the dispense of your own happiness. You want nothing in return as long as she would remain happy. Love is patient and enduring, and it will last a lifetime.
In life, you will have paths to choose. But the most important thing to ponder is; which path would you choose? Will you choose to hold on tightly or to let go? Humans by nature are selfish; it’s the level of selfishness that truly defines a person. With someone special, you will be infatuated with her and yet, at the same time, in love with her. Will you choose to let her go if she is not meant to be yours, or try very hard to hold on and bring misery to both? I know it is sad to think about someone all the time and yet unable to be with her but, if you truly love her, her happiness will be the most important thing in your heart. Love is never easy and full of sacrifices, but the outcome of it is even more beautiful than you could possibly imagine.
Love her always and truly. If she truly loves you, nothing will ever bring you apart. That’s why love is so, so beautiful.
Everything starts off with infatuation. When you are physically attracted to someone, you naturally pay more attention to her, want to hear from her everyday, getting excited when you see her and any physical contact would be a dream come true. You know that one day when you don’t hear from her would seem forever, and you would miss her greatly if that happens. Her very presence is your source of motivation.
Love, on the other hand, knows no boundaries. You don’t need to want her in order to love her. There’s a saying that if you love somebody, you should set her free. And if she is truly yours, she would come back to you. All you ever wanted is for her to be happy, to be herself, not to control her and hold her back from her dreams even at the dispense of your own happiness. You want nothing in return as long as she would remain happy. Love is patient and enduring, and it will last a lifetime.
In life, you will have paths to choose. But the most important thing to ponder is; which path would you choose? Will you choose to hold on tightly or to let go? Humans by nature are selfish; it’s the level of selfishness that truly defines a person. With someone special, you will be infatuated with her and yet, at the same time, in love with her. Will you choose to let her go if she is not meant to be yours, or try very hard to hold on and bring misery to both? I know it is sad to think about someone all the time and yet unable to be with her but, if you truly love her, her happiness will be the most important thing in your heart. Love is never easy and full of sacrifices, but the outcome of it is even more beautiful than you could possibly imagine.
Love her always and truly. If she truly loves you, nothing will ever bring you apart. That’s why love is so, so beautiful.
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