Its Just Around the Corner...

The clock is ticking, the nights passing by with a certain calm in it, and the atmosphere is soothing with a smile sketched upon my face. Another three more days, and I will be bathed in the blazing sun, while savouring the delicious and spicy food of home. With every passing moment I feel more at home, and surrounded by loved ones. I could see old friends again, and I could meet new ones. Everyone is waiting for me, especially...she. Or maybe not. But then, its just that I really can't wait to go home.

The road must come to an end, for the dawn of another

I remember writing about this nearly a year ago; that my life is about to change forever, with all the happenings going on at that point of time. And the most important occurance happening at that very moment is about my leave to the UK, wher I would truly, utterly be alone, away from my family and close friends. But, people adapt. People always adapt to whatever surroundings that they are entrusted with. That is the way life it is, with thousands of years worth of evidence. It signifies the end of the road, where I was presented with a fork, and each path lies its own destiny. Fast forwarding to the present, the same situation presents itself here, and I have dully made my choice. It would bring dawn to a whole new chapter in the story that I am carving out for myself

Undoubtedly, I have encountered a great many things during my stay in the UK, and I strongly believe that every occurance which transpired here, regardless of whether it is according to my script, has mould me into a better person. I assure you, the events that unfolded these couple of months are definitely not something miniature in nature. Everything carries its own signficance, and there's definitely hidden meanings behind everything. As I walked along this path, I realised that it is time to grow up, and with every obtacles I faced, I grow. Not physically, mind you, but mentally. I started to realise, and appreciate the finer things in life, and not get discontented over the lesser things.

To summarise everything that occured during these couple of months, I would like to give importance to several. Coming to UK, most definitely, and learning how to live with people whom I have never live before in my life, and realising how and who people really are. The bad and the good, they all linger together in times of trouble. Especially to those whom I live with; I finally realised the true nature of their characters, and also discovered whom I could really place my confidence in, and whom I could really rely on in times of trouble. As said, sometimes the person you have the most faith in might not even be close to you physically, and while those who resides beside you might even be the one who brings you down, mentally and emotionally. Especially to those who lives the closest to you. You thought that he could be reliable, but instead, all you will ever receive from him is basically...nothing, and even less than nothing. And the miracle of all this is that, it is all happening within the borders of my own house.

I have made new friends, and also tightened the bond with old friends, especially those who have been around me since my younger days. In the past, I rarely appreciate their presence, but all has changed now. I have finally found solace in their presence, and learned how to appreciate them even more. I am sure we would continue to entwine together with ever growing joy, and also the pain, as I would always be there for them, if they ever have a need for me. And I also hope that we could continue to share moments together, like the way we did during these couple of months.

Travelling around has also been fun, and enlightening. I am now proud to say, that I have shop and seen the New Year's fireworks in London, awed by the history and antics of Wimbledon, just-feel-like-that at Old Trafford and bored by the city of Birmingham. And to add the cream on the cake, I have finally been to Italy, braved the winding streets of Venice, dazzled by the leaning tower of Pissa, and tasted genuine Italian food. Doing it all by myself (without my parents), not to mention with those who came along for all these trips, was an invaluable, priceless experience. I would be traversing next to Brussels and Amsterdam, where a whole experience awaits me there.

Studying here has had its effect on me, and thank God its all now behind me. I could finally look back and say to myself, 'I can't believe that I actually got through those times. How on earth did I ever made it out?'. And to top it all, my laptop suddenly decided to call it quits, right in the middle of my examination. It is still alive, but limping nonetheless. Amazing, but yet somehow, it is so so very true. After all, I am still here, and still in perfect condition, able to walk upon this earth with my head held high. No matter what is the outcome, I know, and will always know, deep down inside, that I have done all that I can. The rest, lets just say, come what may.

And most importantly, I have seen the light of day, for the darkest night would finally yield the brightest sunrise. I am sure that when I wake up every morning, thoughts about the past, the present and the future, would all play itself in my mind, and making me realise just how fortunate I really am. That I am able to just be where I am now, so so alive and well, and of course, able to do the things that brings meaning to my life, and also to love the people that I love. It would be love, that made my life during these past couple of months most worthwhile. I seek love, I have found love, and when the time comes, I would proudly stop and stare, and say, I have tried love.

Accomplishing the Unaccomplished

I have just stepped into my room. For three days, I have been lingering around the streets of London, visiting absolutely nothing, except for the far-stretches of Wimbledon and shops of glamarous nature. London is now a past memory, and the future is yet to come. Nonetheless, it is always good to reminiscense about the past, and to realise just how amazing it was.

The weird thing about this trip is that, I basically got nothing accomplished. Attempts had been attempted, and efforts had been efforted, yet nothing turned out to be succesful. Let us begin with the main objective; sending my cousin sister off to a faraway land which, unfortunately, is known as you-know-what. However, most astonishingly, I never did wake up to the call, let alone go to the airport, with miscommunication being the main reason. Lets just leave it that way, as elaborating it would probably take a lifetime.

Moving on, the next big thing in my unaccomplished events would have to be in the movies. I watched three movies in a night, and most astonishingly once again, I never managed complete any. Baffling ain't it not? I would even throw in the titles of the movies, and the website in which I streamed them. The first movie was X-Men, and the movie hangs itself at half the time of the whole movie. Second place goes to Casino Royale, and this movie was shot not because of the stream problem, but because of its 'personality' problems. And finally, third place for the unaccomplished movies award goes to...Hitman, with its excellent action and complicating story and yes, committing harakiri at exactly halfway through. A big thank you to tvshack.com, coz without you, life would be so meaningless. To wrap up the night, my friend aka host decided to watch a TV series called 'Lie to Me', where the chances of not completing the show would be nil, just to prove that we did accomplish something for the night.

Tennis was my second objective going to London, and this too, was accomplished but without the full satisfaction of the game. My friend aka host, is partially 'handicapped', and if she is reading this, she would know exactly what I meant. But I truly appreciate her willingness to put her ankle in mortal peril in order to accomodate me, and I would do anything, anything at all to have her regain her full potential. With all my heart and soul, I sincerely wish her a speedy recovery so that she would be able to fully enjoy the full content of her newly bought shades in another land far, far away, with its beautiful beaches and its blazing sun (do correct me if I am wrong).

And finally, a big thank you to Miss Chew Hwee Yin for providing hospitality to someone who is in need of a place to bunk in, and of course, her time spent with this someone on vaguely unnecessary, yet somehow necessary things.

Night in the University

It has only been yesterday since I came home. But, it seems like forever since I have left my house, on that very fateful day, which turns out to be a Thursday. The sun shines ever so brightly, smilling at me from above, but yet never had I imagine that I would not return to my house for the next 30 hours. Yes, I do mean it, 30 mirserable hours spent in the University. And without sleep as well, if I may so chivalrously add to my already impressive resume.

The Design Centre. That place now holds a very special, and I DO mean special place in my heart. And that is pressure! Stress! Fatigue! Ain't that special enough for it to linger in my heart, and always reminding me of what is like to reminisce about a place with such strong attachments? It is also a place where friends, old or new, friendly or foe-ly, cling onto each other, with only the will to survive the war. The amount of mutual usage among people reached epidemic proportions that night, with each and every one acting in their own personal interest. It is evidence enough to witness the best, and also the worst in people, being revealed in this struggle of seemingly pointless victory.

Time passed slowly, yet accelerated in a way. Time mocks people, its retribution swift and precise, as time is always precise to the core, especially to those who don't appreciate time. Time could be your ally, or time could be your foe, depending on the situation. But as for me, time is neither, for I do not befriend time, nor do I make a nemesis out of time. In this way, time would not benefit, nor would it harm me as well, in any possible way. Time is just there, at my disposal and at my mercy. It is precisely up to me how I would like to exploit time, making it work to my advantage, unlike some others who allow time to be the master. Master of their own ignorance and arrogance, and eventually, time would swallow all those attributes, and cast it right back to those who dare mock time. Time is power, time is dangerous, and time should be treated with reverance and awe.

Uncertain doubts

I have never felt more crestfallen. I am losing my mind, slowly but true. It is taking its toll on me, as I wake up every morning with my head spinning, confused and dejected, not knowing what to do, without a purpose in my life. Appalling as it may seem, this is due to the amount of nothing meaningful happening in my life lately. Assignments, projects, assignments, and more projects are all that is ever written upon my forehead, and I seriously hope that it is not written using permanent marker. Otherwise I might just have well found the 'love of my life'. See what I mean? I don't even know what am I talking about.

Or maybe there might be some spark left in this ever growing darkness. It is a glow from a distance away, shinning down upon me, enlightening my path ahead, showing me that the road is still long, and that there is always something meaningful along the way. I think I might know where the source of inspiration comes from; the heart. Yes, that tiny spark of hope will always reside inside me, whether I know it or not, and perhaps in the future, there would be someone who would help me turn that spark into a fire, and let it light up my life ahead. But as for now, that light is twinking faintly, winking at me in a distance, gently, playfully urging me to trot towards it.

I have no one to lean on for now, and for now I have to journey this road on my own. But perhaps, perhaps maybe, when all my doubts are clarified, I might very well have someone to lean on. Hopefully it will come to pass. Perhaps.

Morning

I am just sitting here on my bed, I just woke up in the morning, and still feeling a little dreary. What has been going on in my mind? It is uncertain, as the beginning of the day starts to unfold. No wait, I think I have been thinking about someone; her.

She is all that is on my mind, through the night, and through the morning. She is the reason I continue to battle through, continue to survive through these hardships. I have seen her strength, and her weakness. It is she whom I truly adore, truly believe in, whom would not flitch at any point of her life, even during times when she feels like giving up. She would continue to plough on, and eventually, the seeds of misery would grow into fruits of happiness. She would not feel ashame to display her strength, and also her weakness; it is what makes her really special to me. And the simplicity of it; I love her simplicity. It is not complicated, her feelings towards everything. She has the ability to untwist all that I have twisted, and she clears my mind from doubt, and sets me on the right path. She simplifies the complicated me. Its so simple.

Why am I writing this the first thing in the morning? I have woken up thinking about her, and that is why I am writing this down. I want my feelings of her to be revealed, to be known, and yet ironically...she may not know about it, and I would not want her to know, yet. She would not know that it is she whom I am writing about, the special girl whom I have seen beyond the outer shell, and into who she really is. The real her, and this is all that matters to me. She may not know about this, or even if she did know about this, but yet don't view me in the way I do to her...its ok. I understand completely, as all I ever wanted to do is just to tell her how special she is to me, how she grips on to my heart and how she lets me see my life in a different way. I just want her to know, but without her knowing about it. I just want her to be happy, but yet I am afraid to lose her. If she would be happier not knowing instead, then perhaps I would give her that, and bury all my feelings deep within me; only I would have access to those feelings, and the sadness of not being able to tell her would only be mine alone. But as for now, I just want her to know, but without her knowing about it.

I am just sitting here on my bed, I just woke up in the morning, and still feeling a little dreary. What has been going on in my mind? It is uncertain, as the beginning of the day starts to unfold. But right now, my mind is as clear as ever. I am, and will, always think about her first thing in the morning, and she will unfold my day, of that I am certain.

Perhaps I might tell her someday, or she might even find out about it someday. Time will tell.

Spring

Boys Be...

Spring Chapter 1: Cherry Blossoms.
"Cherry blossoms, the noble flower, witness to many an encounter over time. Cherry blossoms, the vain flower, have watched many a farewell. And again this year they bloom to watch over a lot of faint but painful feelings in the season of beginnings called spring."

Spring Chapter 2: Memorial Essence.
"Nice memories have their own scent. Whenever you are veiled in its scent, Your heart can always return to your unforgettable past. Together with your own scenery that will never fade."

Spring Chapter 3: After Kiss.
"There are many books in the library. Each book has a wonderful story that will never happen in reality. But as you fall in love, reality becomes a wonderful story, better than any novel."

As for me...

Spring is near, or perhaps spring is here. The beginning of all seasons, the beginning of all joys, and also the beginning of all sorrows. Love is everywhere, if only it could be found. Perhaps I have found love, or perhaps I have not, or perhaps I have been ignorant to my own heart. But falling in love is perhaps the most wonderful thing that can happen in life. And love that has been found should be cherished, as the story of love is sweet and beautiful, perhaps as beautiful as the flowers which are blooming in this season of all beginnings.